Scissor Me Timbers

God, the last 2 weeks have been absolute torture for me. But, if you bear with me, I'll let you know why and also fill you in on the very happy ending that I was rewarded with for enduring that torture. A happy ending that meant that I could leave this year's St. Patrick's Day party with a smile on my face despite all of my ranting that I've already done about it.

First, some background to set the scene..

Actually, I'm not quite sure where to begin because there are a few layers to this so my story might get a little convoluted. I'll apologise in advance if that happens. But let's start by going right back to the start...

If you've been following me for a while, you might have picked up on this strange relationship-thing that I've got going on with Emmy. It started a few years ago when we started to get to know each other better and she was not at all shy about telling me how attracted she was to me. Taking any possible opportunity to suggest that I should sit on her face.

I teased her incessantly about her one day maybe getting to have her wish come true. But for those teases to actually carry any weight, that actually had to be some genuine possibility of it actually happening. Anything else would just be plain mean.

So we started a game where we would leave it up to fate to decide if she should ever get lucky. A daily dice roll that she could choose to take would give her a 1 in 100 chance of getting to have her way with me. And, on one occasion, she did in fact hit the jackpot.

But just one success in an entire year when, statistically speaking, she should have had a little more luck, seemed a little harsh. And, on the back of my own growing attraction for her that had come about as a consequence of our constant flirting, I genuinely wanted her to have a bit more success.

Inspiration struck and I formulated a new game for us to play in 2025. For Christmas, I gave her a very special present. A voucher booklet containing a number of sexy vouchers that she drew at random from my lucky dip. Possibilities ranged from anything getting to have a threesome with me, 69ing me or fucking me with a strap-on. Basically, all sorts of super sexy girl on girl activities for us to potentially enjoy together.

As a fan of spontaneous moments, I love the idea that she could cash in one of her vouchers at any moment. It keeps me always on edge with excitement. But, we're already into the third month of the year and not a single cash in so far.

Until a near miss a few weeks ago, that is. It was the day that Jess and Emmy conned me into getting naked by claiming it was Full Frontal Friday. After Jess left, Emmy and I flirted all after before eventually ending up in each other's arms. Now, this is where I need to point out that I hadn't got myself off all week, so having my naked body pressed against hers was making me extremely aroused. And that experience was very definitely very mutual.

I strongly suggested that she should finally cash in one of her vouchers and she was so close. So, so close. Time was not on our side though so we agreed to meet up that evening to finally do the deed. I was aching to cum after almost a week without but I resolved to save myself for her and not give into the urges in the meantime. What made it even more exciting was that I'd urged her not to reveal before time which one of the vouchers she was planning on redeeming until the actual time came.

Likewise, I won't reveal to you exactly which one of the vouchers ended up in her booklet because it will be much more interesting for you to find out as they get cashed in throughout the year.

Unfortunately I too was going to be kept waiting on this one. Things got in the way and our rendezvous failed to happen. It happens. Emmy was very apologetic so I let her off with the condition that she would be obliged to give me one extra orgasm, whenever the moment finally arrived. And, on the topic of orgasms, I was still determined to continue saving myself in the meantime, even if I had no real idea how long I would be kept waiting to finally cum. Days? Weeks? I had no idea. And, as painful as it was to endure, I keep coming back to the thrill of having it taken out of my hands.

Anyway, another week passed, for which I was largely absent due to illness, but I held true to my resolve. I almost cracked once or twice but I just about resisted the tortuous need to cum. And this is where we finally circle back round to the St Patrick's Day party because her first cash in finally happened.

I'd been hanging out with Jess, Chris and Reena when Emmy made a belated appearance at the party. Our table of 4 couldn't accommodate any extra body though so, instead of making her stand by herself, I hopped off my perch and cuddled up behind her.

As we all chatted, I whispered in her ear about how badly I wanted to cum but that I wouldn't do it until it was with her. Really, I was just trying to plant the seed in her mind that she should cash in very soon. Given the relatively late hour, I was not expecting it there and then though. 

The excitement when she started thumbing through her booklet to pick a voucher got me so turned on and wet. The anticipation of weeks of sexual frustration about to be released caused me to soak my panties right there and then. Grabbing myself a handful of her massive tits probably didn't help the state of my panties either. Jess was insistent that Emmy should get them out so I was kind of obliged to provided a very literal helping hand with that.

With a quiet agreement between us that it was time for us to stop teasing and jsut fucking do it, all we needed to do was excuse ourselves from our group and find a private spot to get in on. Which brings me to another annoyance about this particular event. Past ones have had ample dedicate space for lovers and fuckers to occupy and get jiggy with it. But this party? Basically two small houses and a tiny wooden hut. The houses were both occupied so the hut it was...

I took Emmy's hand in mine and led her away from our friends to our selected spot. It was hardly glamour but did offer a little bit of privacy from the perving eyes of friends.

Once inside, I turned to Emmy and instructed her to undress me. She removed my dress, letting it drop to the floor to reveal my matching Irish-themed bra and panties that I had worn especially for if something like this should happen.

She unhooked my bra but left it sitting loose on my shoulders. Leaning forward to kiss her super hard nipples, I gave my body a little jiggle to encourage my bra to join my dress on the floor, which it duly did.

And then onto my panties. Before Emmy could remove them, I held her hand against the outside of them to feel exactly how wet she had already made me. Then, she dropped to her knees, slowly peeling my panties down my thighs as she descended.

I was so fucking turned on. It was finally going to happen. She was finally going to take advantage of one of her vouchers. But which one, you might be asking? So, I suppose this is as good a time as any to reveal which one she had chosen.

"Scissor Me Timbers" was her pick, which you may have correctly guessed entitled her to a bit of scissoring action. Something that would be a new experience for me but one that I had been very keen to try with her for quite some time. Indeed, when I started brainstorming ideas for sexy activities to put in my lucky dip, this was one of the very first I came up with.

Strictly speaking, we should have gotten down to it right away but I was prepared to be a little more fluid in order to make the most of this momentous occasion. I placed my foot on her chest and slowly eased her backwards until she was laying on the ground so I could sit on top of her. Straddling her chest, I offered her a quick taste of my pussy before we moved onto the main course.

Of course she accepted, so I slithered my slick slit over her heaving boobs, leaving a damp trail as I did so, and parked my cunt directly over her mouth. She wasted no time in getting to work, although she was in no rush either. Instead of voraciously diving in, she teased and teased. Gradually giving me more until she was finally gorging herself on my sweet cunt.

It felt like heaven and several weeks without a single orgasm quickly put me on the brink of righting that wrong. As she licked and slurped and sucked at my aching clit, I curled into a little ball on her face as a wave of pleasure overwhelmed me. I genuinely don't remember the last time that I felt such relief when cumming. All of that determination to save myself for her paid off and then some as she turned me into a quivering wreck. And that was just the warm-up round!

So, on to the main event. I shuffled by myself backwards down the length of her body, leaving another trail of juices on her bare skin as my slickened slit rubbed down her. Taking a pause once between her legs, I awkwardly tried to interlock our bodies but my inexperience told. Emmy, on the other hand, is very experienced at this particular activity, so I allowed her to take the lead and maneuver us into a position where she was still laying on her back and I was upright.

Taking it steady, I began rubbing my pussy against her inner thigh before then pressing it against her equally wet pussy. As our lips met and mingled, it felt incredible. But still, I took things steady, trying to find a nice groove that worked for both of us. It honestly felt out of this world for me and I suspect that Emmy would tell you a similar story because her eyes soon rolled back in her head as she equalled my tally of one orgasm so far. And it was not over in an instant either, this was a long, drawn out orgasm. Emmy pleaded with me to keep going while she rode it out.

Seeing her cum from my humping only heightened my own arousal and I was soon well on my way to another orgasm. At this point, I was done with taking things steady and just wanted to go all in and lose myself in the passion and desire. With Emmy's permission, I began grinding harder and faster against her. Giving in to subconscious impulses, I let my hips move of their own accord.

Again, what was working for me was clearly also working for Emmy as well as she orgasmed for a second time. This astonished me. I was sure that I would hit number two before she did. The desire to catch up pushed me to hump and grind with every last vigour I had.

I moved one of her legs so it was facing directly up in the air, wrapped my arms around it and clung tightly onto it to anchor myself as my hips threatened to take control of my whole body. Sparks of electricity were shooting throughout me. I was so fucking close. And then it arrived.

My entire body spasmed as orgasm number two took grip of me. I crumple backwards, no longer able to keep myself upright, but my hips didn't miss a single beat as they kept pumping back and forth. If my first orgasm had been about relief of finally getting to cum, this one was just pure pleasure. With the added satisfaction of knowing that I had equalised with Emmy's cum total.

Gradually, I eased back until I stopped altogether. Lying in a quivering heap between Emmy's legs, both of us covered in a mixture of each other's juices, I struggled to catch my breath. Emmy took good care of me though. Untangling our interwoven bodies, she crawled into my arms as we both took a moment of respite to recover from our furious fucking.

Don't think for a second that I was done with her yet though. A brief bit of recovery time was needed but I was by no means ready to call time on our fun. However, I was mindful of her as well. Given our relatively late start time, I didn't want to take it for granted that Emmy could keep going. I didn't want to be selfish and keep her up if she really needed to get off to bed or anything like that.

I'll admit it; I felt a little awkward and embarrassed by doing it but I asked Emmy if it was OK for us to keep going for a little long. I had nothing to worry about though. She was just as keen as I was to not let the night fizzle out just yet.

There was no rush though, We were both content in each other's arms until our heads had cleared and we were both ready to go again. I mean, I suspect Emmy was actually ready to go right away and she was just being kind by letting me take a moment.

Her kindness was rewarded though, as it only took 5 or so minutes for my mind to switch back to the task at hand. Remember, Emmy owed me an extra orgasm from our missed rendezvous a week back so I was keen to cash that in.

As before, I let Emmy take the lead as she wriggled back into position with our bodies interlocked. Not quite the same as before though. This time she positioned us so that we could both be humping each other with equal freedom.

There was certainly some more awkwardness on my part as I tried to figure out the mechanics of the situation and find the best motion to make sure that my swollen bean was tribbing against hers. Some trial error as I fidgeted and squirmed around. Emmy was very patient with my inexperience but eventually I found something that worked nicely for me. Very nicely indeed.

My clit was already so fucking sensitive but now it was on a whole other level that was driving me wild. We both bucked and gyrated like crazy as we humped each other like there was no tomorrow. And, in no time at all, I could feel myself growing close to orgasm number 3.

Then, just as I was about to let Emmy know how close I was getting, she did the exact same to me. Hearing her tell me that she was about to cum triggered something inside me. I desperately wanted to suggest that we should try to cum together at the very same time, But before I could say a single word, I was cumming harder than I have in a long time. It hit me like an absolute freight train and I was completely powerless to hold it back until Emmy was ready to cum.

I came long and hard as Emmy, spurred on by me moving back ahead of her in our cum count, began to cum herself whilst I was still in the grip of my own mind blowing orgasm. We'd just about managed to get them to overlap.

Honestly, there are no words to describe that third and final orgasm of the night. I feel like that one truly was the realisation of weeks over sexual tension that I had bottled up and held back, which was finally smashing open the door that had been holding it prisoner deep within me. I'm not sure if I have ever been left in such a cum-induced stupor ever before in my life. I was lost in a haze and unable to function any longer.

Once again, Emmy looked after me despite not being in a much more functioning state. Somehow she extricated herself from between my wet and sticky thighs and tenderly wrapped her body around mine. All I could do was lie there and mumble incoherently as my brain tried to reset after being blown away.

I don't know if Emmy could have kept going. For my part, I was done. I had loved every single moment of one of the most memorable hook-ups that I will ever have but I had nothing left in me. I was all fucked out and, once I regained some control over my trembling body, I would be ready to curl up and get some well-earned sleep.

So there you go - the latest step on my journey from being Em-curious to Em-sexual. And, like you, I have no idea when the next step will be taken. Only Emmy herself has control over that and it is thrilling to know that my fate is in her hands. Hopefully it won't take quite as long for her to redeem her next voucher. I won't be holding off on cumming until then though. It was a thrilling challenge to do it this time but I've got needs, you know.

As a final thought before I leave you, I wonder, should I roll my sexy voucher scheme out to a few other peeps as well? Maybe give away the occasional lucky dip opportunity to a lucky recipient? What do you think? Would you sign up as a potential voucher winner? Maybe if I get a few volunteers leave a comment or message me, I'll do a little raffle and reward a few of them...

Happy Irish-culture Appropriation Day!

That's right, I still can't stand what St. Patrick's Day has become and I have zero interest in celebrating a day that has become a global phenomenon associated with partying, excessive drinking, and commercial exploitation. Apparently, I am along in that thinking so, of course, there was a another huge turn out for the community event to celebrate it, which I will get on to in a minute.

Firstly, for me, one of the most troubling aspects of modern St. Patrick’s Day celebrations is the widespread cultural appropriation. People of non-Irish descent enthusiastically participate in festivities while often reducing Irish culture to a series of clichés.

Symbols like shamrocks, leprechauns, and pots of gold have been commodified and stripped of their historical context. The image of the mischievous leprechaun, once rooted in Irish folklore, has been turned into a caricature, reinforcing outdated and offensive stereotypes. Similarly, the phrase "Kiss Me, I’m Irish" trivialises Irish identity into a novelty rather than a legitimate cultural heritage.

The association of St. Patrick’s Day with excessive drinking further perpetuates harmful stereotypes. The depiction of the "drunken Irish" has long been used as a means of demeaning Irish people, particularly in the 19th and early 20th centuries when they were often viewed as unruly and inferior. Today, the holiday’s modern celebration—marked by pub crawls, binge drinking, and rowdy behaviour—does little to counteract these damaging narratives.

And, like many holidays, St. Patrick’s Day has been aggressively commercialised, particularly in countries such as the United States. Retailers flood the market with green merchandise, from plastic hats to novelty t-shirts emblazoned with phrases like "Let’s Get Shamrocked" and "Irish for a Day." These products, while seemingly harmless, contribute to a broader trend of reducing St. Patrick’s Day to a consumer-driven event devoid of its cultural and historical significance.

Alcohol companies, in particular, have capitalised on the holiday, promoting themed drinks and encouraging excessive consumption. Guinness, Jameson, and other alcohol brands release special promotions and advertisements reinforcing the idea that celebrating St. Patrick’s Day requires drinking to excess. This not only promotes irresponsible behaviour but also further entrenches the association between Irish identity and alcohol abuse.

Even major corporations with no connection to Irish culture leverage the holiday for marketing purposes. Fast-food chains, for example, introduce limited-edition menu items like McDonald’s Shamrock Shake, which, while popular, has little to do with Irish tradition. The commodification of St. Patrick’s Day ultimately prioritises profit over genuine cultural appreciation.

But OK, I get it. People want to let loose and party so parties are gonna be had. And if there is a community party, I'm obviously going to make an appearance to give anyone who didn't make it the low down. That doesn't mean I have to like or endorse the theme of the party though, So for that reason, I eschewed the tradition of dressing in green as a faux Irish woman. 

Instead, all you'll get from me for the 1/16th blood in me courtesy of my great great grandfather is my green lisptick. None of that gimmicky bullshit. OK, OK, I also wore so a cute matching set of green bra and panties under one of my signature red dresses because, as much as I detest the day and what it has become, I want to at least try to be a good sport about it. I even snuck off and found a quite room to take a few selfies to prove that I had some green undies on.

That said, as much as I really did make an effort to go into the event with an open mind, I have to say that it was pretty lacklustre. It really gave of the vibe of minimum effort to put on an event that just ticked a box. I suppose, thematically, given what I said before about how superficial the day has become, that is against quite appropriate. Because nothing about this party was remotely Irish apart from all the stereotypical decorations and adornments. 

Yes, we go all the leprechaun nonsense with pots of gold and lots of shamrocks. But was there even a single bit of Irish music played? Fuck no. Just the same old generic EDM shit that we get at every party. How you can put on a St' Patrick's Day party and not play any Irish music is beyond me. It's not like it's that hard to source. It's just fucking lazy.

The truth is that the only reason I hung around for more than the 10 or so minutes it took me to take a few photos was that some great company turned up, which allowed me to block out all the bullshit and forget where I actually was. And that's just about the only positive thing I have to say so I think I''ll leave it there. I'm really sorry that this is the second overwhelming negative one of these event wrap-ups that I've done in a row. Fingers crossed the next one can be more positive.

How it started vs How it's going

10 years ago today, I walked into this lewd little community thinking that I just wanted to dip my toe into the waters of online hook-ups. All I was expecting was to maybe fuck a few random guys and then move onto other things and leave this place behind.

Obviously that didn't happen because, a decade later, here I am still hanging around! But how did we get to where we are now?

Well, my first week was pretty uneventful. I figured that as a kinda cute lady, I would get plenty of male attention and just take it from there. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I was largely ignored and the little attention I did get was from guys who just wanted a quick and silent hook-up.

Come the Friday night at the end of that week, I was so frustrated that I did something that would be completely out of character and may genuinely surprise you. I hosted a house party named "Laura wants cock" and wow! My place was soon flooded by horny guys who were more than happy to oblige. 

There were also some girls as well. One of whom, challenged me to see how many cocks we could each fuck in 3 minutes. A challenge I was more than willing to accept but would ultimately lose. After getting fucked senseless by a queue of guys, usually at the same time, I think my total was somewhere around 16 or 17. I actually can't recall what the other girl got. I just rememeber that it was a few more than me.

The party went on for like 6 hours and I then hosted a re-run the following night as well so I got dicked by so many guys. Suffice to say, if you want to know my total body count from those two parties, it probably isn't too far off the total number of guys that I have fucked in the 10 years since!  Jess would have been so proud of how much of a slut I was for those 2 days. 

But, while it was very fun at the time, that's just not the sort of person I am. That's not to say I have any regrets. It was a wild experience and played an integral part of my journey to being here right now. I just never again had a desire to whore myself out like that. (Unless someone wants to organise a how bukake session for me so I can tick that off my bucket list, in which case, I would take each and every cock that's on offer!) I also learned some valuable lessons that have served me well ever since.

Anyway, aside for my unusually slutty start to life in this community, I think its fair to say that not a lot else has really changed. I'm obviously a decade older, my hair is shorter and my wardrobe is a lot fuller (even if the colours in there haven't exactly diversified) but hopefully you can agree that I've aged like a fine wine and only improved with time. 

As proof of that, I offer this quick then vs now comparison of how it started on my very first day and how it's going now when I recreated that original photo today. Which version of me do you prefer?

Sucking and Searing

Last year, I kept my annual Steak and Blowjob Day tradition of treating my former neighbour Bob to, you know, a steak and a blowjob, fresh by taking him out to a restaurant for the steak part before taking him to the restaurant's restroom for the blowjob part.

To mix things up this year, I decided to head round to his apartment to cook and such at his place, rather than obliging him to come round to mine in order to receive his treat. It's got nothing to do with the fact that he has a much nicer kitchen to cook in than I do... honest!

I also decided to bring a bit of light-heartedness to the get together, and that is a key part of what Steak and Blowjob Day stands for after all (if you don't believe me, check out my posts from previous years where I dive into the origins of the celebration and what it's important principles are), by turning up to Bob's apartment wearing my favourite lewd attire; my dick dress!

The rest of the evening went pretty much as you would probably expect... there was some steak and some cock sucking... so pretty standard really. Although, this time Bob did give me a little helping hand in the kitchen instead of letting me wait on him hand and foot. Mostly because he was too impatient to wait until after he had eaten to receive his blowjob. Instead I got down on my knees to suck him off while his meat was getting a nice sear to it, with him tending to that piece of meat, while I tended to the meat in his pants. 

And, with his balls then emptied down my throat, he was able to enjoy the fruits of our combined efforts by tucking into a delicious bit of cocked meat, while I desperately tried to prepare an alternative after dinner treat to replace the blowjob that he'd been too impatient to hold on for.

Celebrate Steak and Blowjob Day with a Twist

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